come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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