Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
