When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
