I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
