my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
