Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
