at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
