fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
