Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
