I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
