Betty ford says i'm here all night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
