ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
