im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
