Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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