she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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