I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
