Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
