seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
