What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.