At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.