It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She told me I should be a condom model.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
