Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.