two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night