remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.