He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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