Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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