I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
