Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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