Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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