she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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