My liver just broke up with me...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
