so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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