I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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