your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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