Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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