I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
