Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
