uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
