She is in my trunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
