now i know why i became what i already was.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
