she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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