Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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