I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
