i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
