dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
