i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
