My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
