Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
