remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize