i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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