Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not