You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
