kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
