why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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