Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
