I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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