Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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