I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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