the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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