Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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