He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
