um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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