nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
