I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
