Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
